Welcome to my first blog post, yay! I've been thinking about this for awhile now and have been going back and forth on whether or not I really wanted to share this story but I finally decided to just do it, mainly because I want a space I can look back and read about our journey and remember all we went through but also because sometimes ya just need to get things off your chest. So this post will probably be one of my longest and hardest because I need to get some things off my chest. So here we go.
I know a lot of people have seen or heard my comments on how our twinnies hate eating and I want to explain. They were born at 37 weeks which is actually considered full term for twins so no one expected them to have problems and I feel like that really was a disadvantage for us because man, they had a few problems. While in the hospital it became incredibly obvious that they were having a really hard time eating. No one could get them to eat and when they would it'd be like one gulp and done. So the nurses had an occupational therapist come in and work on their tongues to help them learn to suck. Him and his student came in twice and told us they did have trouble sucking but that they'd grow out of it. So we continued to try and they continued to fail. I remember telling the nurses so many times that they were not eating and all they told me was that they'd grow out of it (ughhhhhhhh). So we happily took them home.
Well, weeks went by and they were still really struggling eating. I really wanted to breastfeed because formula is SO EXPENSIVE but something was just not right. It was pretty obvious from the beginning that Eliza could not take my milk, she did the saddest, most painful scream every time she tried to eat. So we tried formula. Turns out girlfriend needs hypoallergenic formula which she is still on today. Ava, on the other hand, only wanted breastmilk. (The mom guilt for only giving one of my girls breastmilk is a topic for another post because it was strong.) I really tried to nurse Ava but I was just so unsettled and just felt like something was wrong and so I pumped and bottle fed her breastmilk for 4 months. Y'all, mommy intuition is real! If i had just nursed Ava, I would have never known that she was eating practically nothing everyday. Listen to your gut mamas!
As the weeks went on we knew something was wrong. Not only were they hardly eating but they were screaming ALL. THE. TIME. If they were awake 9 outta 10 times they were screaming bloody murder. People were literally scared of our children, that is how much they screamed. I can remember perfectly the many days I had one screaming baby in each arm bouncing and bouncing and bouncing and crying with them. You guys, it was terrible. But it always got a million times worse when I tried feeding them. We went to the doctors literally over ten times in the first 3 months not counting their well checks because I knew something was not right. All they kept saying was they were colic and would grow out of it. I argued and would tell them that it wasn't just colic because it all revolved around feeding times but they just kept saying at 3 months they will grow out of it. Fast forward to 3 months and guess what, they were still screaming. So they told us that some babies are colic up to a year. (all the freaking eye rolls). I will mention that these two nuggets were gaining hardly any weight but since they technically weren't losing weight no one would do anything about it. Pic of me bouncing --->
At around 3 months I started tracking exactly how many oz a day the girls were eating. Girlfriends were eating 8-12 oz a day! At 3 months old!! And those 8-12 oz were literally forced down their throat with them screaming and thrashing against it the whole time. But since they weren't losing weight doctors still wouldn't even give us the time of day. It was always just colic. I don't remember exactly how it happened but one day we figured out that while the girls were sleeping if you carefully took out their paci and switched it for a bottle they'd eat like little champs! And then guess what, they woke up and weren't crying! Poor girls had been starving their entire lives!! So from that day forward we have been feeding these two in their sleep and they have been the funnest, happiest babies ever (except when they wake up during a feeding or we don't catch them asleep in time to feed them).
Feeding them in their sleep was good and simple while they slept a lot but around 5 months old it got a little tricky because they weren't napping nearly as much and also because getting a hungry baby to sleep was about the hardest thing ever. Currently we have got a good routine down but it's still soooo hard because 1) they usually wake up right after we feed them so they rarely get a good long nap in 2) it's so hard to do anything because they have to have their naps or they don't eat 3) while I'm home alone I have to choose who I am going to feed first and who I am going risk letting wake up before they get fed and go hungry. If i try to put them down to sleep at different times the baby awake will usually wake the other up while Im trying to feed her. So my anxiety level is through the roof every time I feed them 4) I NEVER get a break, which is exhausting. Usually when a baby naps you can relax or maybe get one or two things done but not for this mama, i get to feed them with an anxiety level of 10000 5) if they wake up at night it is just about impossible for them to fall back asleep because they are so hungry. So those nights when they (usually Eliza) do wake up we are up from about 2-4:30 with a sad, hungry baby who just will not eat.
Okay guys this post is getting long enough so I'll wrap it up. Beginning of November I went into the dr and pretty much had a melt down and demanded he help us. I think he could see my desperation because he felt sooo bad for ignoring us and our complaints this whole time. He referred us to a specialist at St. Judes childrens hospital. Dec 10 we finally got into the specialist and found out the girls had severe acid reflux (which we already knew and causes severe pain for them) and he put them on stronger meds for it and we also found out that the muscles in the twins tongues aren't developed hardly at all. The SLP described it to me as trying to tip your head back and swallow water without using your tongue at all. I've tried it and it is hard you guys! Like go ahead and try it! Get a drink with a straw and act like you are trying to suck it like a bottle. Tip your head back and try to swallow without your tongue. You take in a ton of air and it hurts because you have to gulp it down. So, the treatment for them is going to a specific therapist which we FINALLY found close to us and we are currently waiting on a referral! It's going to be a long road because they are 7 months and now it is also a habit to eat in their sleep but we are hopeful. This should have been caught and fixed in the hospital and it's honestly so hard not to be incredibly upset with the staff there and our doctors, especially after how many times I told them they were not eating, but I have two happy, growing girls and I am just thankful for that. I'm thankful for an AMAZING husband who has gotten me through the worst days. And I'm thankful for my family and all their help. Twins are hard. Like FREAKING hard. Twins that don't eat are impossible. So here's to getting through this battle and one day having babies who will eat awake and enjoy it! Also, if you made it to the end of this, you're a flippen champ and i promise not all my posts will be this long.
Here's some pics of my happy babies:)
I know a lot of people have seen or heard my comments on how our twinnies hate eating and I want to explain. They were born at 37 weeks which is actually considered full term for twins so no one expected them to have problems and I feel like that really was a disadvantage for us because man, they had a few problems. While in the hospital it became incredibly obvious that they were having a really hard time eating. No one could get them to eat and when they would it'd be like one gulp and done. So the nurses had an occupational therapist come in and work on their tongues to help them learn to suck. Him and his student came in twice and told us they did have trouble sucking but that they'd grow out of it. So we continued to try and they continued to fail. I remember telling the nurses so many times that they were not eating and all they told me was that they'd grow out of it (ughhhhhhhh). So we happily took them home.
Well, weeks went by and they were still really struggling eating. I really wanted to breastfeed because formula is SO EXPENSIVE but something was just not right. It was pretty obvious from the beginning that Eliza could not take my milk, she did the saddest, most painful scream every time she tried to eat. So we tried formula. Turns out girlfriend needs hypoallergenic formula which she is still on today. Ava, on the other hand, only wanted breastmilk. (The mom guilt for only giving one of my girls breastmilk is a topic for another post because it was strong.) I really tried to nurse Ava but I was just so unsettled and just felt like something was wrong and so I pumped and bottle fed her breastmilk for 4 months. Y'all, mommy intuition is real! If i had just nursed Ava, I would have never known that she was eating practically nothing everyday. Listen to your gut mamas!
As the weeks went on we knew something was wrong. Not only were they hardly eating but they were screaming ALL. THE. TIME. If they were awake 9 outta 10 times they were screaming bloody murder. People were literally scared of our children, that is how much they screamed. I can remember perfectly the many days I had one screaming baby in each arm bouncing and bouncing and bouncing and crying with them. You guys, it was terrible. But it always got a million times worse when I tried feeding them. We went to the doctors literally over ten times in the first 3 months not counting their well checks because I knew something was not right. All they kept saying was they were colic and would grow out of it. I argued and would tell them that it wasn't just colic because it all revolved around feeding times but they just kept saying at 3 months they will grow out of it. Fast forward to 3 months and guess what, they were still screaming. So they told us that some babies are colic up to a year. (all the freaking eye rolls). I will mention that these two nuggets were gaining hardly any weight but since they technically weren't losing weight no one would do anything about it. Pic of me bouncing --->
At around 3 months I started tracking exactly how many oz a day the girls were eating. Girlfriends were eating 8-12 oz a day! At 3 months old!! And those 8-12 oz were literally forced down their throat with them screaming and thrashing against it the whole time. But since they weren't losing weight doctors still wouldn't even give us the time of day. It was always just colic. I don't remember exactly how it happened but one day we figured out that while the girls were sleeping if you carefully took out their paci and switched it for a bottle they'd eat like little champs! And then guess what, they woke up and weren't crying! Poor girls had been starving their entire lives!! So from that day forward we have been feeding these two in their sleep and they have been the funnest, happiest babies ever (except when they wake up during a feeding or we don't catch them asleep in time to feed them).
Feeding them in their sleep was good and simple while they slept a lot but around 5 months old it got a little tricky because they weren't napping nearly as much and also because getting a hungry baby to sleep was about the hardest thing ever. Currently we have got a good routine down but it's still soooo hard because 1) they usually wake up right after we feed them so they rarely get a good long nap in 2) it's so hard to do anything because they have to have their naps or they don't eat 3) while I'm home alone I have to choose who I am going to feed first and who I am going risk letting wake up before they get fed and go hungry. If i try to put them down to sleep at different times the baby awake will usually wake the other up while Im trying to feed her. So my anxiety level is through the roof every time I feed them 4) I NEVER get a break, which is exhausting. Usually when a baby naps you can relax or maybe get one or two things done but not for this mama, i get to feed them with an anxiety level of 10000 5) if they wake up at night it is just about impossible for them to fall back asleep because they are so hungry. So those nights when they (usually Eliza) do wake up we are up from about 2-4:30 with a sad, hungry baby who just will not eat.
Okay guys this post is getting long enough so I'll wrap it up. Beginning of November I went into the dr and pretty much had a melt down and demanded he help us. I think he could see my desperation because he felt sooo bad for ignoring us and our complaints this whole time. He referred us to a specialist at St. Judes childrens hospital. Dec 10 we finally got into the specialist and found out the girls had severe acid reflux (which we already knew and causes severe pain for them) and he put them on stronger meds for it and we also found out that the muscles in the twins tongues aren't developed hardly at all. The SLP described it to me as trying to tip your head back and swallow water without using your tongue at all. I've tried it and it is hard you guys! Like go ahead and try it! Get a drink with a straw and act like you are trying to suck it like a bottle. Tip your head back and try to swallow without your tongue. You take in a ton of air and it hurts because you have to gulp it down. So, the treatment for them is going to a specific therapist which we FINALLY found close to us and we are currently waiting on a referral! It's going to be a long road because they are 7 months and now it is also a habit to eat in their sleep but we are hopeful. This should have been caught and fixed in the hospital and it's honestly so hard not to be incredibly upset with the staff there and our doctors, especially after how many times I told them they were not eating, but I have two happy, growing girls and I am just thankful for that. I'm thankful for an AMAZING husband who has gotten me through the worst days. And I'm thankful for my family and all their help. Twins are hard. Like FREAKING hard. Twins that don't eat are impossible. So here's to getting through this battle and one day having babies who will eat awake and enjoy it! Also, if you made it to the end of this, you're a flippen champ and i promise not all my posts will be this long.
Here's some pics of my happy babies:)
As I was reading, I thought, "Huh, I wonder if they have reflux." My baby has struggled a little with it, though not nearly as much. as your kiddos But every time she'd pop off my breast crying, not only is it sad because your baby's hurting, but it's like the one thing I'm supposed to be able to do for my baby isn't working! I can't imagine going through all that craziness. Way to push through and way to fight for your little ones! So so glad you found a specialist to help.
ReplyDeleteUghh yes! It’s so sad. Reflux stinks because you can just tell with their cry that it’s hurting them. Reflux definitely played a huge role so I think when we first figured that out it helped a little but it was obvious there was more. And when i was trying to breastfeed, it was sooo miserable. I totally agree with what you said, i wanted it to work so much because that’s what I’m supposed to be able to do for them. Me and Kyle always talk about how frustrating it is because the one thing babies are supposed to love and get comfort from, ours hate! When it was at its worst they would cry at the sight of a bottle, even if it was another baby eating it. But thank you! I’m excited to start therapy and hopefully see improvement.
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